Compliments and Gratitude

          I don't think this will come as a surprise to anybody who knows me: I don't handle compliments and showing my gratitude very well. In fact, I'd say I'm terrible at it.

          Something that I do very often is 'fake bragging', a term I just created because I'm super smart like that (this is an example). Or maybe something like 'oh, you finished that essay super quick, I took forever to finish mine' to which I will reply 'yeah of course I did, I'm Jo, duh.' I didn't feel like I needed to say I'M JOKING because I just assumed it was fairly obvious. This is only something I do with closer friends, casual friends/ acquaintances? I would never.

          So if a friend of a friend would come up to me and say hey, nice painting. I'd freeze. Sometimes I'd go oh... No, I'm actually not really happy about this I think it looks pretty bad. Sometimes I'll go oh... Ok. In other words, I'm terrible. In hindsight (of course) a simple 'oh, thank you' would suffice but ohhhh noooooo that's waaaaaaayy too simple.

          That first response, if said to me, would make me think 'wow, is she trying to say I have bad taste because I like her painting?' but then again I'm not exactly regular so.

          Other than that, I'm also seriously seriously bad at thanking people. I don't know why. I've never done it, ever, since I was really small. Never done it. That makes gift giving reaaalllyyy terrible for my friends, because I'd go like oooohh wooowww thanks. As if I was being sarcastic. I wasn't of course, I really really appreciate it, and I'm always blown away that people would take the time to think about me and give me gifts!

          What I've deduced is this all boils down to self esteem issues. I have the worst self esteem out of anyone I know. This would shock plenty of people, because my persona is that of an over confident person, but honestly... I look at myself and sometimes I just feel terrible. That's why I can't accept compliments, because I don't believe they are sincere compliments. That's why I can't show my gratitude because I feel like I don't deserve these presents, I don't deserve this surprise birthday party. This is also (on another topic) why I never EVER believe someone when they say 'namey mcnamey name has a crush on you'. I just can't believe it, ever.

          In fact, this is also why I hate having pictures taken of me. I always look at them and go ugh. I always look terrible in pictures. I always say I look terrible, and I do honestly believe it. I'm not delusional (I don't think), I'm good at a lot of things, looking good just isn't one of them.

          Anyway, no real point here, super sorry for wasting your time.

Bye bye,