The worst thing to ever happen to me and my family

          Have you ever felt wrong just by laughing? I wasn't going to tell anybody about any of this until I laughed at a video just now and felt so guilty, like I'd betrayed everyone. My sister was singing in the shower, and I was almost mad at her. How could she be singing at a time like this?

          Nothing is definite, basically. But just the possibility... It's enough to make me wish it was all a dream. I'd give up everything I own if it would guarantee that everything will be ok.

          My dad told us that he has had a stomach condition for a while, and he's been going to a clinic for a while now. He then said the doctor told him there was a chance of cancer. The day after tomorrow, he will be going to the hospital to get himself tested.

          Obviously he did the dadly thing and said "I'll be fine, I don't think it's actually anything serious, don't worry." But he went on to say he'll need to get his affairs sorted out, and he'll instruct my brother and I on what to do about his land, his money... Etc.

          My mum, who, truth be told, rather selfishly told my sister and I that "it's pretty serious. It doesn't look good." Why mum. Why would you say that.

          My sister, eldest brother and I will probably be fine. I'm going to be 19 in a month, my brother's turning 18, and my sister is turning 14. But my baby brother... My poor poor baby brother... He's only 7. I can't imagine... growing up without a dad.

          My dad is my rock. I would be nothing without him, absolutely nothing. I've had nightmares about him dying, because he is the pillar that hold the family up. Without him, we're just scattered, fallen, bruised individuals.

          It's getting harder to type through my tears, but I need to get things off my chest. I can't talk to my siblings about this, I don't want to freak them out.

          What will we do? My mother is not a capable single parent, not by a long shot. She is mentally ill, and though she is recovering, I doubt she'll be better if left with 4 children.

          I'm praying to all the Gods right now. This isn't right. It's not time yet. We're all still in school. Kiddo needs more time to be with him. The Gods know it isn't right. Daddy will be fine. He needs to see everyone graduate. He needs to walk me down the aisle. He needs to hold his grandchildren.

          He will be all right.