Today is my birthday (YAY! No one gave me presents because I'm 19 and don't want presents or something. I know, so sad.) and after dinner, like usual birthdays in our house, we went and bought a cake (Vanilla Cheese cake! Delish!) then went home to set it up, put candles up, sing the song, etc.
Before we went home however, we had to pick up my sister from some event she was performing for. She said she'll be done by 9pm, we arrived at 8.30, she came out at 9.40. Now I've said that my dad has cancer. Colon, to be exact. So he has to go to the toilet quite often. The whole time we were waiting, my dad looked like he was in a bad mood, and I know that he HATES waiting. I do too, I mean, if you say you'll be done by 9 then you better make sure.
The drive home was quite, thought dad was in a bad mood. As soon as we get home dad goes upstairs and I think: Oh, he's gone to bed. He gets tired more because... you know. So we set the cake up, sing, cut the cake, eat it, then dad comes down. Crap. I thought he was going to sleep already! Turns out he just went to the toilet.
Mum later told me that daddy cried. Because... His days are numbered you know? This could very well be the last birthday he'll ever be with me. Come to think of it, he missed my last birthday too. I just feel... So bad. I should have waited! It wouldn't have been hard at all! Oh my god... I'm just... Crying right now because of all the guilt and the regret.
If Daddy dies before my 20th birthday, I feel like this might be my worst regret yet. He never even saw my cake. He had no idea what it looks like, what it says on the cake, or anything. I wish I could redo the day. Please, let me redo the day.
It will be fine. Trust your dad and yourself.
ReplyDelete