TMI Underwear problems

          This is a bit of a TMI post, so if you're not comfortable with girl stuff, skip this.

          I was watching a video about clothing 'hacks' titled something like '10 fashion HACKS that ALL GIRLS NEED TO KNOW! #8 is a LIFESAVER'. You know the type. And there was this one for the wires sticking out of your bra and poking you like a needle, and I thought 'huh, that bra fits awfully nice.' I have only 2 bras that actually fit me well, and they're E cups. They don't sell those ANYWHERE in Malaysia. They usually just give a C cup and increase your band size. It's terrible. They technically fit, but like, not well.

          How do I explain this... Imagine having 2 water balloons and stuffing them into a cup. It'll fit, but it's distorted right? Like squished? Now put them into a similarly sized bowl. Fits perfectly, no squishing required. That's the difference, for me. Also, small cup means a lot more spillage, so it makes me look extra fat. As if I needed help for that.

          I managed to buy 2 of the exact same E cup bras, which are amazing, everything fits, but it's now a bit tight because I put on weight :( Problem is, they cost a FORTUNE! Most places that have anything above c cups tend to be specialist shops, and those are damn expensive. Ugh.

          I don't care, usually, I'll just put a bra on or whatever. But sometimes they dislocate, and I sort of... Fall out of them? Like when you wear a beanie and then look up, and the beanie pops off your head? Or like when you wear a tank top or a singlet, and you sit down, and it slides over your belly? (Just me? Ok.) Then I have to basically readjust. Like guys sometimes have to readjust, you know. It's not at all subtle. I hate it.

          If the opportunity ever arises, I'm buying a whole new set of well fitting underwear. I measured myself btw, that's how I know my right size! Girls, you should try it here: http://www.brasizecalculator.tk/  As far as I know, it's right for me! And remember, big cup doesn't always mean big chest, like a 28 D cup is a LOT bigger than say a 38 D cup, so don't be like me and say there is no way my cup size is more than a C, because that's just bra shops trying to sell you what they have.

Anyway, don't know why I wrote this but hop it helped!

No Motivation

          My semester is now 2 weeks old. And I have 0 enthusiasm. Why? I think you can guess why. My dad.

          It's very easy to say oh, everybody dies, sooner or later. There's no need to be sad. But I can't help it you know? I am sad. Everything and anything seems to make me angry or sad nowadays. I try hiding it of course, but I know how I feel even if no one else does.

          I know I should concentrate on my studies but when a loved one could die any day now, it makes everything else seem so... Inconsequential. Who cares what grade I get? Who cares if I show up to class? Who cares if I don't do my assignments? My dad. Is dying. Nothing else MATTERS. 

          Anyway. I'm still gonna do my assignments, I'm still gonna show up to class. I just... Don't want to anymore.

I Am A Shopaholic

          I have never, in my life, had this problem before where I overspend and just... BUY things non stop. Recently I've been on a looooong semester break (2 and a half months) and I've just been spending money left and right. TERRIBLE.

          I've come up with a theory that I feel like makes complete sense.

          Ever since I was little, my dad spoiled me. I was definitely a spoilt princess in that anything I asked for, I would probably get. What's different with me though is that my parents didn't buy me things to make up for their absence like the stereotypical spoilt rich kids. My parents were always there, we weren't a high class family, my dad just... Gave us everything we wanted.

          Obviously, I now feel like whatever I want, I should just get. Which is terrible! But it never used to be a problem because I never went out to malls, I couldn't shop online, (because no debit card) and I HATE causing other people problems (which is a whole 'nother can of worms there) so I'd never ask my parents to buy me something trivial like a book or some sharpies. Now? Oh boy.

          I can drive now. I have a car that I basically only share with my brother. I also have a debit card now. Which means I can probably buy anything I wanted in the entire world. Coupled with my dad's allowance and my entire life savings in my bank account?

         Chaos.

         I wouldn't spend thousands in one thing, rather, I'd buy a LOT of little things that I now know add up VERY quickly. I have bought around 10-15 adult colouring books, 2 sets of fineliners, 2 sets of markers (monami live colour markers though, so good), Sakura Koi brushpen set, 3 sets of colour pencils, and a bunch of other small things. Individually, they were pretty reasonable. But in hindsight, it amounted to a HUGE sum of money.

          So, I hereby make a promise to myself. Don't buy anything unless you absolutely need it.

Signed,

Regret and guilt

          Don't worry just yet, it's not that big of a deal. Well, I still feel incredibly bad but anyway...

          Today is my birthday (YAY! No one gave me presents because I'm 19 and don't want presents or something. I know, so sad.) and after dinner, like usual birthdays in our house, we went and bought a cake (Vanilla Cheese cake! Delish!) then went home to set it up, put candles up, sing the song, etc.

          Before we went home however, we had to pick up my sister from some event she was performing for. She said she'll be done by 9pm, we arrived at 8.30, she came out at 9.40. Now I've said that my dad has cancer. Colon, to be exact. So he has to go to the toilet quite often. The whole time we were waiting, my dad looked like he was in a bad mood, and I know that he HATES waiting. I do too, I mean, if you say you'll be done by 9 then you better make sure.

          The drive home was quite, thought dad was in a bad mood. As soon as we get home dad goes upstairs and I think: Oh, he's gone to bed. He gets tired more because... you know. So we set the cake up, sing, cut the cake, eat it, then dad comes down. Crap. I thought he was going to sleep already! Turns out he just went to the toilet.

          Mum later told me that daddy cried. Because... His days are numbered you know? This could very well be the last birthday he'll ever be with me. Come to think of it, he missed my last birthday too. I just feel... So bad. I should have waited! It wouldn't have been hard at all! Oh my god... I'm just... Crying right now because of all the guilt and the regret.

          If Daddy dies before my 20th birthday, I feel like this might be my worst regret yet. He never even saw my cake. He had no idea what it looks like, what it says on the cake, or anything. I wish I could redo the day. Please, let me redo the day.

Life update

          It's weird. Everyone else is super concerned about my dad's cancer: How is he doing? Are you and your family coping well? I appreciate the concern, of course I do! But the thing about this in particular is that there's literally nothing I can do to help my dad get better. And my philosophy has always been "if things are out of your control, stop worrying about it" because worrying won't help.

          So I've been going about my days like I normally would. It's super easy to go about like everything's normal because my dad's still doing what he does, going to work, jogging, weight-lifting, smoking and whisky-drinking (unfortunately). Most adults around me are positive. We're going on natural cures, not chemo and surgery, which, selfish as it may seem, means I won't have to see my dad weak in a hospital, losing his hair, etc.

          Honestly... I'm fine. Whatever comes my way, I'm 100% confident that I'll be fine. I'll take care of my family, and myself. Everything's gonna work itself out.

See you!

The worst thing to ever happen to me and my family

          Have you ever felt wrong just by laughing? I wasn't going to tell anybody about any of this until I laughed at a video just now and felt so guilty, like I'd betrayed everyone. My sister was singing in the shower, and I was almost mad at her. How could she be singing at a time like this?

          Nothing is definite, basically. But just the possibility... It's enough to make me wish it was all a dream. I'd give up everything I own if it would guarantee that everything will be ok.

          My dad told us that he has had a stomach condition for a while, and he's been going to a clinic for a while now. He then said the doctor told him there was a chance of cancer. The day after tomorrow, he will be going to the hospital to get himself tested.

          Obviously he did the dadly thing and said "I'll be fine, I don't think it's actually anything serious, don't worry." But he went on to say he'll need to get his affairs sorted out, and he'll instruct my brother and I on what to do about his land, his money... Etc.

          My mum, who, truth be told, rather selfishly told my sister and I that "it's pretty serious. It doesn't look good." Why mum. Why would you say that.

          My sister, eldest brother and I will probably be fine. I'm going to be 19 in a month, my brother's turning 18, and my sister is turning 14. But my baby brother... My poor poor baby brother... He's only 7. I can't imagine... growing up without a dad.

          My dad is my rock. I would be nothing without him, absolutely nothing. I've had nightmares about him dying, because he is the pillar that hold the family up. Without him, we're just scattered, fallen, bruised individuals.

          It's getting harder to type through my tears, but I need to get things off my chest. I can't talk to my siblings about this, I don't want to freak them out.

          What will we do? My mother is not a capable single parent, not by a long shot. She is mentally ill, and though she is recovering, I doubt she'll be better if left with 4 children.

          I'm praying to all the Gods right now. This isn't right. It's not time yet. We're all still in school. Kiddo needs more time to be with him. The Gods know it isn't right. Daddy will be fine. He needs to see everyone graduate. He needs to walk me down the aisle. He needs to hold his grandchildren.

          He will be all right.

Tianjin Explosion

          I believe by now everyone's heard about the Tianjin explosions... Well. I honestly did not expect it to hit me as hard as it did. The first I'd seen of it was a video filmed by some foreigners (Americans I'd guess) and I felt rage. Some girl in the background was giggling about it and I just thought... What the hell. People are dying. Families. Children. And you stand there looking at it like it's some sort of light show made just for you?

          A bit after this I went on reddit to see what other news there was, and I saw the same video so I went to read the comments, expecting people to complain about that giggling girl too. Nope. Joke upon joke upon joke about bootleg fireworks and Chinese stereotypes. I sat there, watching the video, and I cried. I wasn't there, I was nowhere close to there. I was watching a video, 30 hours later, and I cried. Yet that girl was just a few blocks away and she was laughing about it? How? Are Chinese people not people then? Does it all of a sudden become an ok thing to joke about JUST because it was China?

          Some people have said the laughing was a panic response. I'm sorry, but I have a hard time believing that. She was laughing from the very beginning of the video, when there was just a small fire. When there was absolutely no cause for panic. So why was she laughing?

          Absolutely sickening. Up until now I didn't believe the American stereotypes about how they think America is the whole world and nothing outside of it matters. Obviously, it's true enough for the most part. Then they defended themselves by saying 'We're not trying to laugh at the incident, but hey, what's life if you can't laugh about it ROFL'.

          NO. Do you think a joke 1 day after the Boston Bombing or 9/11 would be received with thousands of upvotes? I don't think so. It certainly wouldn't have been the top comment.

         I'm capping today off with my respect for Reddit significantly diminished. What used to be my favourite community now just seems like a bunch of callous, insensitive pricks.

Compliments and Gratitude

          I don't think this will come as a surprise to anybody who knows me: I don't handle compliments and showing my gratitude very well. In fact, I'd say I'm terrible at it.

          Something that I do very often is 'fake bragging', a term I just created because I'm super smart like that (this is an example). Or maybe something like 'oh, you finished that essay super quick, I took forever to finish mine' to which I will reply 'yeah of course I did, I'm Jo, duh.' I didn't feel like I needed to say I'M JOKING because I just assumed it was fairly obvious. This is only something I do with closer friends, casual friends/ acquaintances? I would never.

          So if a friend of a friend would come up to me and say hey, nice painting. I'd freeze. Sometimes I'd go oh... No, I'm actually not really happy about this I think it looks pretty bad. Sometimes I'll go oh... Ok. In other words, I'm terrible. In hindsight (of course) a simple 'oh, thank you' would suffice but ohhhh noooooo that's waaaaaaayy too simple.

          That first response, if said to me, would make me think 'wow, is she trying to say I have bad taste because I like her painting?' but then again I'm not exactly regular so.

          Other than that, I'm also seriously seriously bad at thanking people. I don't know why. I've never done it, ever, since I was really small. Never done it. That makes gift giving reaaalllyyy terrible for my friends, because I'd go like oooohh wooowww thanks. As if I was being sarcastic. I wasn't of course, I really really appreciate it, and I'm always blown away that people would take the time to think about me and give me gifts!

          What I've deduced is this all boils down to self esteem issues. I have the worst self esteem out of anyone I know. This would shock plenty of people, because my persona is that of an over confident person, but honestly... I look at myself and sometimes I just feel terrible. That's why I can't accept compliments, because I don't believe they are sincere compliments. That's why I can't show my gratitude because I feel like I don't deserve these presents, I don't deserve this surprise birthday party. This is also (on another topic) why I never EVER believe someone when they say 'namey mcnamey name has a crush on you'. I just can't believe it, ever.

          In fact, this is also why I hate having pictures taken of me. I always look at them and go ugh. I always look terrible in pictures. I always say I look terrible, and I do honestly believe it. I'm not delusional (I don't think), I'm good at a lot of things, looking good just isn't one of them.

          Anyway, no real point here, super sorry for wasting your time.

Bye bye,

Personality matters

          You know how some dating sites/ personality quizes base your match on what shows you like, what books you like, music, food, fashion, celebrities, etc? It seems like a good idea, which is what I've always thought because similar likes means more to talk about right?

          When I first started uni I had to make completely new friends, and at the time anyone who would talk to me is automatically in the friends category. Of course, time weeded a lot of them now to just a few friends and a lot of acquaintances. What I find kind of sad is a lot of my acquaintances share the same interests as me, but their personality just makes me not want to talk to them for a long period of time. First impressions also pretty much destroyed my opinion of them, which they probably don't even remember.

          Where I'm from, which is the middle of nowhere, the only people who share my interests are people online. Things like Rooster Teeth, Game of Thrones, you know, western pop culture. When I got here I was all OMG because there were actual real people who like the things that I like! It's just SUCH a shame. The friends I have now share practically none of my interests.

          I don't know what I'm trying to say at all, but... Just had to get it off my chest, what with the GoT Finale coming so soon and all.

          I leave you with this still from Rick and Morty about infinite universes:

Sayonara!

Digital Advertising Talks and Workshop Experience

          These past couple of weeks I've been attending 2 talks and a workshop from asian advertising 'masters' (It's the name of the event, I don't actually think they call themselves masters). It cost a whopping RM290, which I thought was fairly reasonable but now that I've been to all the events, it seems like an exorbitant amount. The first talk lasted 2 and a half hours, and it was split into two parts with two different speakers, one Malaysian(?) and one Indonesian.

          I'm not categorising them like that because of racism issues, but they have very VERY distinct accents and culture differences, which I'll get to in a minute. The talk was held in a cinema hall (fancy) and you can imagine how comfortable it was. In fact, it was TOO comfortable. It was the only one of these events where I actually fell asleep, albeit only for a minute. I mean, a pitch black theater, full back seats, cold air-conditioning and, to top it all off, a monotonous voice. It had better sleeping conditions than a five star hotel bed and cough syrup. The speakers are very experienced, and very creative with their ideas, but they couldn't communicate those ideas to us very well. They did have visual aid by way of video examples and progress pictures, which for the most part was what kept me awake. The second speaker, the Indonesian one, had a very thick Jakarta accent and I really had to struggle to understand him.

          The second talk is still fresh in my mind since it was only yesterday. This speaker was a Korean guy, who started out on a VERY wrong foot with me simply because his talk, titled DIGITAL PLAYGROUND was also the title of his book. Conveniently on sale right now. The language barrier as well was very strong with him, which only became obvious towards the end of the talk where people asked him questions and he misunderstood every single one of those questions. For example, someone asked "These advertising solutions you gave were not very long-lasting, so how do you continue to fix the problem after the ad campaign is over?" which was a very good question. He replied "The client asked for a campaign and they only gave us a month, so after a month we removed the campaign." Slightly on topic, but honestly not really. Another question was  quite specific, it was "How did the technology in that campaign work?", to which he replied "That was just a prototype, but I think it will catch on and start being used nationwide."

          Anyway, today was the last one of these events, and it was a 7 hour workshop by the same Korean speaker from yesterday. He started with a thankfully brief talk which still lasted about an hour. Then he gave the whole class a brief, which was 'How to sell Smart Watch effectively without a shop?' Quoted verbatim. We were split into 9 groups of 4, and we had around 3 hours to complete our proposal and present it to a group of industry professionals and lecturers.

          Our group played around with the idea of augmented reality,and the main problem to solve was obviously that people will not buy something they cannot actually see or try out themselves. Therefore, with the technology of augmented reality being so common nowadays, we came up with the idea of using magazines, flyers, or printouts as the 'vehicle' to deliver our paper smart watch to people. Then, on the smart watch website people can customise their own smart watch and it will appear (on screen) as though it is actually on your wrist. The user then goes through an interactive series of events as they go through a typical 'day' waking up, jogging, taking a shower, driving, etc. All while holding your wrist with the 'watch' facing the camera.

          Interestingly, ours was the only group that did not make use of the QR code technology. The speaker's talk was FILLED with examples with QR codes, which is why everyone else were 'inspired'. I managed to do most of the presentation which surprised me, since normally I am terrible at public speaking. Our feedback was pretty positive though so that was nice.

          Now on to some petty stuff, which is what you want to see anyway. The Korean speaker had the most stereotypical asian accent I have ever heard! I always thought they were exaggerated. You know, Ls and Rs, where Lazy becomes Razy, Role becomes Lore. Also his THs were pronounced like Ss, for example Sirsty instead of Thirsty.

          To sum it all up, I don't regret it, but would I do it again if given the chance? Probably not.


  6/10,

Mishmash- Ray leaving, curling iron, snapchat

          Hey guys! Bit of a mix of a post here because I have things to say but none of them warranted a full post so this is a 'new' thing I'll call a mishmash.

          Anyway, first thing's first: Ray left Achievement Hunter. I know this makes me look heartless and cold, but this hit me harder than Monty's death. Obviously, it is not at ALL the same! I know that! I'm just saying that personally, Ray has made more of an impact on my life than Monty did. When I saw the news this morning I just bolted upright, fingers crossed that it was a joke. But no, it wasn't (although somewhere in my heart those fingers are still crossed). AH just wouldn't be the same without him! I know he's been quiet and less energetic after the whole Twitch thing but he was still THERE.

          He's always been my favourite AH member because of his type of humour. It just... stood out to me a lot more than Michael's loudness or Gavin's idiocy, Ryan's maniacal-ness or Jack's goofiness (Geoff is perfect tho). It just made me so sad. Like I've lost a friend. I have followed his twitch though (twitch.tv/brownman) and this still means that I get to watch his stuff it's just that twitch isn't the platform for funny, is it.

          Moving on to a hopefully... Happier topic, I've been thinking about buying a curling iron. I've thought about this for so long! Well, this and a straightener. But I have curly hair already. It's a different kind of curly than a curling iron would give me though! Man I don't know. I love watching those youtube tutorials with people using curling irons/ straighteners, it's just so cool! It costs a pretty noticeable amount of money, of course, So I just can't seem to justify it. Doesn't mean I don't want it. Same with an ipad! I want one, but I literally have no need for one.

          And finally, snapchat. I know, what is this, 2013? But my friends recently got me into it (I had an account but I never posted anything) and it is SO FUN! I love that you can type even over videos, and the drawing function is awesome! Add me if you want, guys! @jo_xn! I post some pretty dumb stuff, but mostly my homework and stuff you know? Paintings, portraits, sculptures, typical art school stuff.

Ok, it's 1:13 am, time to hop on to bed. See ya next time!

God damn piece of crap lecturer

     Goddamn history 'lecturer'. Without a shadow of a doubt THE MOST racist and judgmental person I have ever had the displeasure to meet. Today is (hopefully) the last ever class I'll have with him or I will seriously go apeshit on him.

     The most vulgar person I have ever met. Profanities everywhere. I know you don't think it but this is still a SCHOOL. This is not an attitude that a lecturer (and that is what you are, just because you don't want to be doesn't mean you aren't) should have.

What bothered me the most out of all 3 times I've been in his class -and I'd like to state that he was the one that said class was optional, as long as you finish your essay, and I'm not gonna talk at all about the essay in class. WTF?- is his blatant impression of "Oh, so you speak chinese? I'd better pay more attention to you because CLEARLY people can't know two languages." I mean, seriously? Referring to us as 'The Chinese Girls'. Asking again and again, "Do you understand? Do you understand what I'm saying? Chinese girls?"

     Today was seriously one straw away from breaking the camel's back. We had to submit an essay that will be 60% of our final grades. He reads a sentence from it and says, "Oh, you girls know that there are programs where I can just enter your essay and check for plagiarism right?" And then he expects us to what, gasp in horror? This isn't news, I HAVE that program and I check every single one of my essays through those programs and not once have my essays ever been labelled as plagiarised.

     Man, I was going to go nuts on him when he asked (and this better be the final time) "You three chinese girls, I am very worried about you. Do you even understand what I'm saying to you?" I would've gone NO. I don't understand a WORD of what you're saying because I CAN SPEAK CHINESE. That's what you've always assumed isn't it?

     THE MOST hypocritical person in the world, contradicts himself all the time. Don't be late! Never on time. Respect yourselves and your work! Constantly disrespects us.

     The fact that this person has the power to stop me from advancing in my course obviously made me keep everything bottled in, so here I am, typing for the confession page. I hope you see this, and I hope you're not a petty enough person to fail me for speaking my mind, though I can't say I'd be surprised if you did.

     Ok, enough about that. I feel a lot better now!

My friend has a mental illness (rant)

          Ok, I'm feeling really pissed off right now and there's a chance that said friend will see this post, but that's a chance I'll take.

          My friend has depression, and she feels down almost everyday. She feels inferior to everyone, finds problems in herself and magnifies them to a disfiguring degree. You know how skinny girls will say "OMG I'm so fat I'm disgusting" That's what I feel like I'm hearing when she complains about herself. I would kill to be her. She is tall and skinny, and she eats literally whatever she wants, no exaggeration. Her face is the most symmetrical face I have ever seen, ever, and she's had braces so her teeth are great.

          She cries, all the time, about how she sucks at everything and how she can NEVER do her homework well, and she can't finish her homework in time. She gets so easily frustrated and this isn't new, she's always been easily frustrated, but now? Her frustrations turn to full out tantrums. I am not her roommate, but I am friends with her roommate and I really really feel sorry for her. As if homework isn't enough stress? All her problems stem from one really really simple thing: She takes EVERYTHING to heart. And I mean EVERY GOD DAMN THING. I told her once that I thought she walked a little bit weird, and BOOM out comes the tsunami of every single thing anyone has said about the way she walks.

          I know, I know, I should be nice to her right? Tolerate her a bit more? Well I did. Me and her roommate console her all the time, ignoring our homework because our friend is in jeopardy. I spent 4 hours once, just texting her and encouraging her, and I never ever complained about it, until now. Call me unreasonable but when people try so hard to help you get over your own problems, the very LEAST you can do is HELP YOURSELF.

          She was scheduled to go to a doctor's appointment today, a physical and mental check up. But she didn't go. Why? "I felt sad. I don't want to see the doctor when I'm sad. I don't want to cry in front of the doctor." Well. I don't want to wake up early everyday and go to class, but I do it. Why? BECAUSE I VALUE MYSELF AND I WAN TO BE BETTER. She gives like zero shits about her own health. She sleeps at 3 am and wakes up at 11, And I don't think I need to remind you about how she just skipped her check up. For nothing.

          I just feel like... Why should I bother? Why help someone that refuses to be helped? Why fix a vase that just wants to break itself? I don't know. It all just feels so pointless and stupid. I'm going to keep trying to steer her in the right direction but I have to keep living my life.

          Anyway, I feel much much better now. If only this was how my friend could let her emotions out instead.

Glee final season

          Last week was the Glee finale. And I have to admit, after Cory Monteith's death, I completely jumped off the Glee wagon. But for the final season (there's never going to be more glee, just breaks my little heart) I jumped back on the metaphorical wagon with gusto. And what a fantastic season! Arguably the best since they started graduating (season 4... What a joke amirite?)

          I'm a bit disappointed with the ending but I also have NO idea how they could've done it where it would tie up all the loose ends. The way they handled Klaine? Also ridiculous. Why break them up if you wanted them to be together all along?

          Anyway, I'm rewatching all the old Glee episodes again, and oh my god I totally forgot about the episode in season 1 where Rachel was all over Mr Schue! The cringe was palpable. Plus seeing Finn just made me feel so terrible, and I forget about what happened and then BOOM I remember and my heart breaks into little tiny pieces again.

what the hell right?

          Back to the final season though, I was kind of upset that there are only 13 episodes, (well 12 with the finale being twice as long) and I thought that they were really rushing to end things by the last few episodes. Really just blazed through everything. What I really loved though was how much more self aware jokes there were! Pretty much Sue's best season yet. A lot of Sue singing as well which made me go WHOA because her voice does not match her at all (at least I don't think so).

         Here's where I will leave you, ta ta for now!

Wow, ok, time for an update!

          Ok, this is purely for future me, or anyone who wants to piece together a timeline if I get famous or if I die in a really weird and unusual way and some journalist wants a life story or something. Right here goes.

          August last year, I moved to live by myself, because I am attending a college called The One Academy, "the best design school in Malaysia" or whatever.

yea... really great taglines guys, really great.

          Very soon after I moved, I dyed half of my hair red. Not one of those cop out "reds" that are practically black, I dyed it BRIGHT red. People call it pink. NO. It is clearly red. HUGE change, and I mean massive. I used to straighten my hair because my curly hair stood out too much. After that, I started wearing skirts, and tights, and I went and bought mascara, it is INSANE. Nobody would believe me now if I told them my family is conservative. I am the asian equivalent of punk right now.

This is red ok, this is not pink.

          After that, I practically stopped communicating with all my old friends, not by choice, mind you, it's just that we are basically in different planets now, which is pretty sad... I made a bunch of new friends, and found out that Kuala Lumpur is practically a western version of Malaysia. There is ACTUALLY an sjw here, and people USE TUMBLR. You don't understand, where I'm from, the internet means facebook and wikipedia. NOBODY knows about reddit or 4chan, and I couldn't share anything I loved with anyone.

          Yesterday was valentines day, and I got my very first rose. I'm not gonna lie, I instantly googled how to keep a rose longer, because this is important you know?

          

          I kind of skipped over this but living alone is just not easy. I have to cook practically every day now, because eating out is just too much of an expense. Moderating myself is also really hard, with junk food and sleeping. And assignments. Oh my god, the assignments. It is UNBELIEVABLY ENDLESS and I just have to keep going. Here are some progress pics for figure studies:

Before I started

October 2014

Early Jan 2015

Late Jan 2015

Last week

          Ok, it is 1 am, I need to go sleep if I want to wake up in time tomorrow so bye, hope I won't have another 6 month gap or whatever.